Sola-Nero White

So-la

An indian swamp plant of the pea family, with stems that yield the pith that is used to make sola topic. Alright then. I am not sure what a sun hat has to do with this box of SUN. Oh, wait, it makes quite a bit of sense now. This was my first ever review-on-the-go, which is fitting, because there was a lot of sun involved while sampling this heavenly box of vino.

Wondering what this shit tastes like? Apples and pears muthafucka. What is the finish on this shit? Pleasant, yet surprisingly dry. What kind of person would like this shit? Someone who likes to brush their teeth with cement, soap or maybe some acne cream. Although this box is surprisingly delicious (very low price), it is incredibly dry, leaving you to scrub the taste away. I chose to scrub away with acne cream.Like all wines, you're in for a good night, or at least a better one compared to being sober. This night in particular, a good wine was not needed, as this box was going to be chugged directly from the spout. It was summer solstice in the citay, girls we're out, people we're grinding and puking in the streets. What a way to kick off yet another tasting session. By 9pm, the box of Sola was already empty. There must have been 50+ passersbys who wrapped their lips around Sola's thick, red spout that evening. They sucked it dry. Not to worry though - another box was found shortly thereafter.Sola's apply-pear notes, combined with its pleasant palate and dry finish make this an excellent wine for those who go all night. For those looking to pass out in streets, grind on strangers and puke in shoes. This is for you.

Wine in the shower? Bigtime. [BOXED] model, Holiday, takes a sip.

[BOXED] Rating: 7.8/10Price: $30.99
Variety: blend
Region: Okanagan Valley, BC          
Cellared: Canada

Black Box Chardonnay

Let me be the first to tell you, actual good wine is available in bottles cousin form: a box. That's right, you can now buy high quality wine from a box, and feel good about it too. Why feel good? Well the name of course. You stick this masterpiece in your fridge and see how you feel. It will not only distract you from any other fluids or solids in the fridge, but will be in the back of your mind all damn day. Boxed wine should not be so good that I'm up in here having dreams about swimming in it. But I am. Maybe its the desert heat here, but unlikely. I think Black Box did an absolutely terrific job on the box. I mean, look at it, its a black box with gold lettering...what!?

Classy looks aside, this 2012 California Chardonnay is mighty tasty. From the vintners website, Black Box Chardonnay displays aromas of citrus with notes of pineapple and pairs well with grilled chicken, fruit or white-flakey fish.

How about white girl?

Not that, you drug you addict - an actual white girl. Any white girl for that matter. You see, at 13.5% and capable of supplying your day with 4 x 750ml bottles, you don't need to get picky. This chardonnay right here, right here, turns your patio into a Liquid Zoo. From ratchet hoes all the way up to high class ass, like our [BOXED] model Gracious, they be flockin'. It must have been some damn strong citrus aroma wafting throughout the neighbourhood, because before I could even climb into the hot tub, I had bangers and bangettes climbing all over the patio looking for their fair share of Black Box. Although this may have something to do with a new climbing gym opening that day, this is certainly one citrus-y, aromatic fiasco taking place on your palate.

Who should you buy Black Box's Chardonnay? Well, if you're into blacking out with your eyes open, take your money elsewhere. This is for us quality folk who want more out of life. The folk who have a tennis court, pool and mini putt in their front yard. The folk who truck it around the lake on their yacht with topless winos all day, every day. Got get yours today, and turn your boring life into a Liquid Zoo.

My goodness Gracious! [BOXED] model and future endangered cougar, Gracious,  enjoys her afternoons with nothing less than a leather couch, hot sauce and Black Box Chardonnay.

[BOXED] Rating: 9.2/10

Price: $34.99
Variety: Chardonnay
Region: California
Cellared: Monterey, USA

Sommet Blanc

Suh-met

Maturity; that is what comes to mind as a sit down to review this classy box.With a subtle floral aroma and blistering with tree fruit notes such as apple and asian pear, this off-dry white wine blend is well balanced with good acidity and a clean lingering finish. The box has also catered to the 'older' market, with images of bountiful vineyards, and your girlfriends dream house in the background. Just looking at this box, carries me into an airy day dream of playing a grand piano for Bey and Jay at their Italian vacation home, the feathery mountain air in my nose, Tuscany sunshine on my back and a big ass box of this shit right in front of me.


Now, don't let that first paragraph confuse you; [BOXED] chooses to review crazy

[BOXED] model, Fate, hitting the jets real hard.

wines, not serious, expensive boxes wines like other blogs, ahem (wannabevino.com). So lets get to it: Sommet Blanc is no different than any of its predecessors on the [BOXED] blog, in fact, it could be crazier than our earlier reviewed (and loved), Screw It! Pinot Grigio.


My experience? Well, this is my first official hot tub tasting session of 2015, something about the sweat and chemicals of a tub, truly bring out a wines best tasting notes. I picked this bitch up at my local BC Liqour Store, about a 10 minute cruise on my bicycle. I will be honest, I chose this box because of its rich textured images and a high quality rubber spout. I mean, who wouldn't? After parading around town with this beauty for a while, it was time for a taste. I couldn't wait to get it home, so I ripped in behind Canadian Tire for a gulp. OH SHIIII! This stuff is out of control. Despite a mechanical on my way home, I was one chipper oenophlia. I'm pretty sure the box even distracted passerbys from my road-side redneck chain fix. Greasy hands and all, I lugged this bad boy into the hot tub for an afternoon not to be forgotten. Fresh meat Monday's just got better.

BODY SHOTS! Body shots you say? Yes,  a few hours later I woke up in the hot tub to the sound of supermodels doing body shots in my kitchen. My kitchen. Somehow I had drained the entire box of Sommet Blanc and ended up hosting the baddest Monday night party the quaint town of Ballerville has ever seen.

Off to the next chapter of our night (a local Karaoke joint), I was left with the mellow notes of Sommet Blanc and an afternoon that seemed simply to good to be true. Maybe it was just all a dream? We'll never know, and thats the way I like it. Take tomorrow off, and make it a night to remember (or forget) with Andrew Peller's latest succession; Sommet Blanc.

[BOXED] Rating: 8.3/10

Price: $28.69
Variety: Sauvignon and mixed
Region: Unkown
Cellared: Kelowna, BC

L'Ambience - White Wine

Luh-Om-Bee-Unts

Yes, it is that simple. Don't be fooled by its' name; this isn't no Pinot Grigio, Gewurztraminer or Chardonnay. Hell, they didn't even bother with 'Dry White'. This is White Wine dammit, and nothing else. Besides, at a price of just $30.99, you ain't no sommelier if you think this is something special.

Created in 2013 by Cartier Wines, L'Ambience is the definition of white girl wasted. Seriously, if you look in a dictionary under 'white girl wasted', you will probably see a photo of this heavenly bag in a box. This shit will get you wasted and dancing on tables at your local ballet in no time.

L'Ambience is cellared in Ontario, Canada, from "domestic and imported blends". Dare I say this box is the mutt of wines in Canada? Although probably true, L'Ambience offers a high quality spout considering its' price. The textured, yet smooth rubber button make you feel like you're pouring out a wine worth much more. Then you taste it: shit. This 4L, 11% box has a pale straw and a delicate nose, with notes of apple and lemon.

What I like most about this wine, aroma and high quality spout aside, is the name 'L'Ambience'. From the trying-hard-to-be-elegant box finish, and its' rich greens and golds - you would think you are in for a classy dinner party night with the freinds...on the patio, then into a hot tub and maybe a small bond fire afterwards. Something real rustic. Hell no. This is some sweet ass nectar, and you will be anything but calm. You will be the furthest thing from classy at this dinner party, let me tell you. You're friends are helping prep dinner in the kitchen? You're out front yelling at passersby. Your're friends are enjoying AAA steaks at the outdoor patio table with a sunset? You're ON the outdoor table, howling at the moon. You're friends are trying to relax in the hot tub with their "Chardonnay"? You're doing hood shots straight from the spout.

Not that any of this is unacceptable or undesirable. But let me tell you, in the morning, it will feel like you we're in a 6 hour endurance sour candy eating competition; your gums will be bleeding and your lips chapped. This is some sweet, yet dicey wine. I do not endorse this product (sorry, not sorry Cartier).


[BOXED] Rating: 4/10
Price: $30.99

[BOXED] model, Envy, poses in her mansion. "Its' a night in".

Variety: Generic Blend

Region: Unkown, World
Cellared: Ontario














Yours in boxed wine,


Benjamin