Black Box Chardonnay

Let me be the first to tell you, actual good wine is available in bottles cousin form: a box. That's right, you can now buy high quality wine from a box, and feel good about it too. Why feel good? Well the name of course. You stick this masterpiece in your fridge and see how you feel. It will not only distract you from any other fluids or solids in the fridge, but will be in the back of your mind all damn day. Boxed wine should not be so good that I'm up in here having dreams about swimming in it. But I am. Maybe its the desert heat here, but unlikely. I think Black Box did an absolutely terrific job on the box. I mean, look at it, its a black box with gold lettering...what!?

Classy looks aside, this 2012 California Chardonnay is mighty tasty. From the vintners website, Black Box Chardonnay displays aromas of citrus with notes of pineapple and pairs well with grilled chicken, fruit or white-flakey fish.

How about white girl?

Not that, you drug you addict - an actual white girl. Any white girl for that matter. You see, at 13.5% and capable of supplying your day with 4 x 750ml bottles, you don't need to get picky. This chardonnay right here, right here, turns your patio into a Liquid Zoo. From ratchet hoes all the way up to high class ass, like our [BOXED] model Gracious, they be flockin'. It must have been some damn strong citrus aroma wafting throughout the neighbourhood, because before I could even climb into the hot tub, I had bangers and bangettes climbing all over the patio looking for their fair share of Black Box. Although this may have something to do with a new climbing gym opening that day, this is certainly one citrus-y, aromatic fiasco taking place on your palate.

Who should you buy Black Box's Chardonnay? Well, if you're into blacking out with your eyes open, take your money elsewhere. This is for us quality folk who want more out of life. The folk who have a tennis court, pool and mini putt in their front yard. The folk who truck it around the lake on their yacht with topless winos all day, every day. Got get yours today, and turn your boring life into a Liquid Zoo.

My goodness Gracious! [BOXED] model and future endangered cougar, Gracious,  enjoys her afternoons with nothing less than a leather couch, hot sauce and Black Box Chardonnay.

[BOXED] Rating: 9.2/10

Price: $34.99
Variety: Chardonnay
Region: California
Cellared: Monterey, USA